Dear reader, as we prepare to chat about carbohydrates and weight loss, you may wanna know what “complex carbs” are:
We also have “simple carbs” (I can already hear your sphincter getting tighter because you have read so much about the “evil” simple carbs):
When your carbophobic friend Jessica uses the word “complex” in front of “carbs” she implies that they are superior to simple carbs. And that they lead to greater weight loss.
And even though your pretty little head is not ready for this I’ll still say it—it’s a prime-cut A-grade bullshit. A recent paper…
Researchers concluded with something that carbophobic Jessica failed to share with us because she was too busy villainizing carbs after reading that subimbecilic “good calories, bad calories” book:
So Jessica’s fear of eating carbs and increasing insulin levels, and then inhibiting fat loss is nothing but fear. Fear out of misinformation and pseudoscience.
You can eat simple/high GI carbs. You can enjoy ice cream, white bread, cereals guilt-free, etc. And still lose weight.
It’s because weight loss comes down to energy balance rather than the amount or type of carbs you eat:
Now, before you conclude that I’m straight-out fuckin’ nuts telling you to eat nothing but bread and pancakes please understand that I’m not.
Different foods can have different amounts of macro and micronutrients, fiber, caloric density, and therefore, can be more conducive to weight loss and health:
What I’m trying to say is that labeling carbs as “complex/slow/low GI” and “simple/fast/high GI” is mostly useless.
You see, glycemic index (GI) is affected by various factors:
Because of that, the whole carb labeling thing is pretty much useless.
Now, I’m not sure if you have noticed it but I’m always trying to improve society and, therefore, I have a solution. Instead of choosing foods based on glycemic index, choose foods, not just carbs, based on how processed they are:
Do that most of the time—80-90% of your food choices should come from minimally processed whole foods—and you will reduce caloric intake because whole foods tend to contain fewer calories and control hunger/satiety better:
In Hall et al. study, subjects were assigned to either ultra-processed or unprocessed diet for 2 weeks. They were instructed to eat as much or as little as desired.
Believe it or not (haha), subjects ate on average 508 calories per day more during the hyper-yummy ultra-processed junk food diet:
It doesn’t take a team of professional researchers to realize that ultra-processed diet caused a few extra sets of fat-filled love handles aka weight gain while unprocessed diet—weight loss:
I know that some of my ideas may not be perfect but they are always worth considering. And eating more of these:
…And less of these:
…Is much better than avoiding perfectly fine and nutritious foods such as watermelon (70-80 GI) or potatoes (80-90 GI) only because Jessica said “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU EATING? HEY, YOU, LOOK AT ME! WHAT THE F-U-C-K ARE YOU EATING? EVER HEARD ABOUT INSULIN?”
So, unless you have a medical reason to avoid simple carbs, eat them in moderation (which can be hard at first, I know). They are not going to hinder weight loss.
As Alan Aragon, a nutrition researcher, once wrote:
So, er, yeah, watermelon is awesome. And if anyone tells you not to eat it because of its high glycemic index, smile at him like a mongoloid and dig into the goddamn watermelon.
(Make sure to let juice slide down your chin and onto your clothes. That will teach him.)
Originally published by me on Medium on October 25, 2021